🌊 Overcoming Your Ocean Of Fear

Fear is a signal that you’re doing something that matters

My Ocean Of Fear

I nearly drowned when I was a kid.

We were too poor for swimming lessons growing up. In fact, learning to swim felt like a luxury when we were struggling just to cover our basic needs. My parents, who had never learned to swim themselves, couldn’t teach me either.

When I was ten, we visited the “Wet & Wild” waterpark. There was this three-story enclosed water tube slide where you grab a mat, lie on it, and plunge into a pool. I grabbed a mat and went down the slide head‑first. I remember tumbling out of the slide into the pool, completely disoriented. Suddenly, I was trapped under a pile of mats as more people came down the slide. I pushed and kicked, but every second felt like an eternity. The water drowned out any chance for a cry for help. Just when I felt like I was running out of air and hope, a lifeguard pulled me out.

Ever since then, I carried a deep, visceral fear of the ocean.

Missing Out on Life

Years later, on a family trip to Hawaii, my husband and daughter eagerly planned a snorkeling excursion. I stayed on dry land and watched from the shore. They returned buzzing with tales of vibrant coral and schools of fish and I felt a sharp pang of sadness. I had missed out, not just on the beauty they described, but on creating that shared memory with my family.

The next vacation rolled around, and snorkeling came up again. This time, a different feeling stirred within me: a fierce resolve not to miss out. I enrolled in swimming lessons a few months before the trip. It was humbling. I was the sole adult in a class full of six-year-olds who glided past me with effortless grace. I wish I could tell you I emerged a master swimmer. I didn’t. I learned a few breaststrokes, but treading water felt like an impossible feat, and other styles remained out of reach.

When we arrived in Turks and Caicos, we boarded a catamaran for a prime snorkeling spot in the deep ocean. My heart pounded, a familiar cold dread spreading through me. But I took a deep breath, put on my life jacket, and bravely entered the water. The ocean here was vast, far deeper and choppier than any pool I’d known. Panic threatened to overwhelm me, and for half the time, I clung to my husband like a lifeline, terrified of drifting away.

But then, I looked down.

The world beneath the surface was breathtaking. Schools of iridescent fish darted past. A reef shark swam by and its sheer presence was awe-inspiring. And the best part? Sharing these incredible sights, these unforgettable moments, with my family.

Me on the day I jumped into the ocean and snorkeled in Turks and Caicos

Did the fear disappear? No.

But I discovered something powerful:

I could act despite my fear when I focused on my purpose.

I could choose to show up even when everything in me wanted to retreat to safety.

And in doing so, I lived a richer experience aligned with what truly mattered to me.

The “Ocean of Fear” at Work

As an Asian woman professional in the corporate world, I face a similar “ocean of fear”:Fear of judgment from others.Fear of not being good enough.Fear of failure.

It’s the fear of drowning in the ocean of judgment, rejection and failure.

I was afraid of making mistakes.

I was afraid of receiving a bad performance score.

I was afraid that I wouldn’t get promoted.

I was afraid that people wouldn’t like me.

So I didn’t push back on work. I worked until 1 am every day, including the weekends.I didn’t speak up for fear of saying something stupid or overstepping my superiors.I didn’t know how to draw my boundaries or say no. I wanted to please everyone.I worked so hard that one day I literally fell asleep from sheer exhaustion in my office.

This ocean of fear kept me from taking risks. Just like staying on dry land, I played small and missed out on opportunities.

The fear wasn’t protecting me; it was limiting me. It held me back from being everything I was capable of becoming.

The more I tried to stay on safe land, the more the fear grew.

Facing Fear Means Taking Action

Just as I sought out swimming lessons to overcome my fear of water, I realized the way to conquer my professional fears was to lean into the fear and take action.

As I began confronting the unique challenges faced by Asian women and eventually founded the Asian Women Empowerment Network, I started to dive into my professional "ocean" head-on.

I began speaking up more often.I started pushing back on unreasonable requests.I learned how to draw boundaries and say no.I learned how to take calculated risks, fail forward, and learn from my setbacks.

And crucial to this journey, I found my "life jackets": mentors, sponsors, coaches, and allies who provided guidance, support, and courage when I felt like I was drowning.

I’m no longer watching from the shore.

It’s vital to remember that there’s nothing inherently wrong with fear.

In fact, fear is often a powerful signal.

Fear is a signal that you are doing something you care about.

If you are not feeling fear, you are not taking enough risks to grow.

Choosing Action Is Choosing Power

We all have moments when we stand at the shore of our fears, choosing between staying safe or jumping into the deep.

Not choosing is also a choice: that’s choosing to give up your power and stay on dry land.

The ocean of fear at work is still scary. The professional world still presents challenges that make my heart race. But I've learned that courage isn't the absence of fear. It's the decision to act in spite of it.

And action doesn’t mean doing it alone. Sometimes you need a life jacket. Find your mentors, coaches and allies who can support you through the choppy waters.

Every time you choose to step into that ocean of fear, you reclaim a piece of your power.

Focus On Your Purpose And Dive In

If you’re standing at the shore of your own ocean of fear, wondering if you’re brave enough to dive in, let me tell you this: you are.

Focus on your purpose, and you will find the courage to dive in.

And if you need a life jacket, I've got extras.

The ocean's fine once you're in and the view from beneath the surface is absolutely worth it.

P.S.: This article was first published at deniseang.substack.com/p/fear. Subscribe at deniseang.substack.com for free to receive new posts and support my work.